I’m sure this NEVER happens to you, but sometimes I get a little wrapped up in my own crap. Sometimes I lose my mind over the state of my home, being late to preschool, my husband leaving dishes in the sink. Sometimes I find myself losing sleep because my son doesn’t use his fork as well as his twin brother. Is he falling behind? What do we need to do to improve his fork skills? I should probably google that to see if we are missing something. I’m sure you NEVER sound like a crazy person but sometimes I do. Sometimes I get so anxious over the most trivial things.
Occasionally I gain perspective because I have to endure something that really IS hard or witness a friend or family member go through a tragedy. Last week I gained perspective in a different way. We got to spend a week on the gulf side of Florida. This was the first trip to the beach for our crazies. They were so excited. I was a mess of worry about the whole trip. I couldn’t get past the idea of a 17 hour drive….while potty training….twin….boys. I was concerned about the expense of this big of an adventure. I was worried we would forget something. I was worried about our dogs that were being dog sat by a new person. I hadn’t seen the ocean in almost 8 years and all I was doing was worrying about everything with no anticipation of the awesome that was about to happen.
The trip went way better than I could have ever expected. The only thing I forgot was sunscreen, which, believe it or not, you can buy in Florida. The boys had zero accidents on the drive down and back. Nobody drowned in the ocean. No one required an urgent care visit. No one puked. And everyone had fun! Somebody pinch me!
Our first morning, we woke up and had breakfast on the balcony overlooking the ocean and as we enjoyed the view we saw a beautiful rainbow. Sometimes I forget the vastness of the world while I’m wading through my own crap. Looking out at the seemingly endless ocean put things into perspective for me. I thought about how trivial my worries are compared to many others in the world. I thought about how amazing it is that in this vast world that we live in God knows and loves me. Even as everyone else works through their own stuff too, God loves me. Even as I let my worries consume me, God loves me through it, all the while loving everyone else through their stuff too.
I feel like the childhood version of myself had a better understanding of the “big-ness” of God. The God who throws rainbows in the sky and molds the earth in His hands. I found myself much more in awe of things then. I don’t want to lose that childlike faith and awe. This week I will look for times to be in absolute awe of this BIG GOD who loves little old me.