You know what really makes my two year olds mad? Not getting what they want the exact moment they identify that want. You know what makes me mad? The exact same thing.
We are in a time of transition in our lives. Things are upside down and I’m frustrated, angry, short fused and going through a variety of other emotions that my sweet husband would say fall under the for better or worse portion of our wedding vows. I haven’t actually stomped my feet, dropped to the floor and screamed (in public) like my twin terrorists do from time to time but I have cried, lost it on my dog, eaten a ridiculous amount of icecream and made life pretty unlivable for those closest to me.
Waiting is hard at two or thirty-two. In the James 1:19 we get this nugget. Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. Shut up James, no one cares what you think anyway. Mostly kidding. In Jeremiah 29 we receive this.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Why is it that I assume the worst? Why do I assume that God has anything less than the greatest of plans for my life? Because sometimes His time is different then mine.
So here I sit with the emotional and spiritual maturity of a two year old, arms crossed, face down, scowl on. Nothing like a time of exceptional change to make you aware of personal areas in need of growth. My prayer for myself in this time is a prayer for patience, for trust in God and for peace the what’s meant to be will happen. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as i rock back and forth in fetal position.
Tonight I went to church to say goodbye to our church family. As I sat in worship I was completely overwhelmed by memories of how completely we had been cared for and loved by this community. I sat in the back and prayed over many heads who I know had prayed for us, brought us meals, visited us in the hospital, loved our children and loved me inspite of my brokenness. I am completely overwhelmed by the thought of leaving this amazing community behind and starting again in a new place and making new friends.
As I sobbed in my seat during the music in anticipation of being prayed over by this community our worship leader said, “Whatever you have going on, God’s going to take care of you.” Here is the beautiful thing about being a part of the body of Christ. The sweet woman who visits each of our children each Sunday and kisses their forehead, that was Jesus. Those people who made us meals when my husband was hospitalized, that was Jesus. Those friends who listened to me vent my negativity until I could get through it, that was Jesus. The beautiful people who sit with us each week for dinner and help us with our children with no judgement of their behavior, that was Jesus. My coworkers who encourage my crazy ideas and put up with my “force of nature” personality, that was Jesus.
So as I mourn the loss of these vessels as we prepare to move this week I am also overwhelmed by the Jesus that awaits us in our new home and I look forward to being a vessel for a new friend. Be kind to one another. Be a vessel. Be a community builder. Be Jesus in your community.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
We are in the middle of a huge transition in our lives. We are all getting new jobs, moving out of state and in many ways starting over. The adventurer in me is doing a happy dance but the control freak in me is throwing a pity party. Selling and buying a home in two different states is about the craziest thing ever. Single parenting 3 kids 4 and under for 3 weeks is not for the faint of heart. Going through a medical emergency with a family pet is exhausting and heartbreaking.
I’m finding that the craziness of our life right now is robbing me of my happiness and overshadowing the possibilities of this move. God has literally rolled out a red carpet for this to happen. He has provided a way for our family to move closer to our extended family. He provided a buyer for our home who were living with family across the street from our house waiting for a home in the neighborhood to go on the market. He provided us with a home to move into that is more than we ever thought we would have. He’s given us amazing framily that have kept us afloat in the last couple of weeks while the kids and I have been living apart from my husband as he starts his new job. They have literally picked nights to come over and help with dinner and baths and adult conversation.
We have so much to be grateful for and yet I’m struggling to get my happy. What if our new neighbors become our best friends? What if our new church has the perfect ministry for us to get involved in? What if my true calling awaits there? How sweet to get to hug my parents any time I want? For my kids to get to know their great grandma? For them to create amazing memories with my in-laws? What if God has a special plan for our little crazy family there?
I guess that’s the difference betweem happiness and joy. The craziness of transition may take my happy but I’m protecting my joy.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
My twins boys are a little over two and a half. This week Christopher laid on the floor and tooted (our special word for gas) and laughed. He then did it again announcing, “Momma, I tooted!” and giggled more. Seriously, what happened to my sweet little boys. They are covered in mud every time we go outside. They spit to entertain each other. They make burping and throwing up sounds. They are remarkably destructive for people so small. Their toddlerhood is so different from what I remember from my daughter this age.
I recently saw a post that said, When you are raising boys you always know where you stand….in the middle of a hurricane.
Most days, this is exactly how it feels. I feel like they are my lesson in releasing control. I like to know what’s going to happen, when it will happen and most of the time I like to be the cause of a surprise not the victim of it. When you have boys you have to release this. When the sweet old lady at church comes up and reaches out to shake your little guys hand and he gives her enthusiastic “knuckles” instead, when your son releases gas in a quiet coffee shop, when he pees on the floor in front of your neighbors, when he rummages around in the bathroom and comes out with tampons for your guests like they are party favors you have to laugh or you will cry.
A friend recently sent me this quote, You can have faith or you can have control but you can’t have both. I’d say if you have boys you need a lot of faith.