I celebrated a birthday yesterday. It was an ordinary mom birthday. Nothing too exciting but I definitely felt well loved by my friends and family. As I began thinking back over the last couple of years, I realized I have aged more physically than I care to admit. I am investing in wrinkle cream, hair dye and praying for the clock to stop. I am in an exhausting and amazing time in my life. In the past two years I became a mother to these silly, beautiful and wild twin boys and I became nurse to my husband as he endured several medical issues.
I have been designed to be a helper, a caretaker, so in so many ways these past couple of years have been very fulfilling. But as I look back now, I realize I have not been taking very good care of myself. I am finding myself too tired and out of shape to play with my kids the way I want to. I am stressed out by things that hold little real importance. I am “rewarding” myself for all my hard work with junk food.
These feelings are not new, nor is it new for me to want to take control of my health and take better care of myself. I think sometimes, as moms, we can use our kids as excuses to making a positive change in our health, not in a malicious way, but more out of guilt.
When I worked fulltime, I struggled going to the gym after work because “the kids had already been at daycare all day.” I don’t cook the healthiest meals because I believe “the kids won’t eat the green stuff.” I don’t ask for time to myself to spiritually amd emotionally rejuvenate because it feels “selfish to spend that time away.”
I spent all day today thinking about the times I rebelled again a fitness plan or diet in the last two years and more often than not I “did it for my family.” Here’s the problem, I would provide them with a much better version of myself if I felt good. I’d set a much better example for them if I showed self control and discipline with the foods I chose. I would be a lot more fun to be around if I had an outlet for my stress and more energy to play.
I won’t sit here and make any promises about meeting weightloss goals in the coming year. I’ve done that before. I will, however give myself permission to care for myself in the next year of my life and would encourage you to do the same. My co-raiser and these little crazies are a hot mess and they need me at my best.